Month: November 2017

Its shocking

As counsellors we know that everyones grief is different. Mine, mine comes first with shock. Shock as to how this person is no longer on the planet. Shock as to ‘what do mean i won’t see that person tomorrow?’

Its been two years since I last lost someone I cared about. In those two years the memory of her has not faded, I can still hear her voice and laugh. I choose to remember her as she was when she was laughing. It is still surreal that she is gone.

Now today as I spoke with good memories about someone else, within minutes it went from a funny stories about last week to ‘he can’t be gone’

Tomorrow I will walk into work and not see his smiling face waving at me. I have just lost a person that watched my back on my 9-5. Someone who sang and danced all day long.

Everyones grief is different, mine will come with calmness as soon as the shock wears off.


When I can’t Self Care

Almost nine years ago, I attended the wedding of one of my many cousins. Pre weddings as fun, it was filled with organization, decoration and laughter. Day one of the wedding went off without a hitch, day two went off with music and dancing. Day three, the main day of the wedding the ‘I Do’s’ or for us the Nikkah day had finally come. The anticipation, the nerves, the air is always filled with emotion. On this day I woke up feeling strange. An hour or so before having to get ready to attend that nights event, I realized I was having a migraine attack. Why didn’t I recognize this sooner?! I have never had regular migraine attack symptoms. I rarely know its going to hit.
What do I do now? My big brother is getting married in a number of hours and yet I am feeling sick and in pain. How do I not attend? How do I attend?
There are times where you just have to pop that migraine attack pill and cross your fingers its enough to get you through a little while.

This exact scenario repeated itself yesterday. A younger cousin/brother getting married and I wake up feeling strange. The headache lands me in bed and yet all I can think about is how I will make it through the evening. The option of missing his wedding isn’t on the table. especially since I was not able to take part in any pre wedding activities as my chronic migraines have progressed over the years. Either that or getting older has made it harder to deal with the symptoms or the pain.So, I swallow a migraine attack pill, wait until the very last minute to get ready and I head out.
All evening I felt like I was going to pass out, I couldn’t stand being in the room with the amount of people, noise and smells that was around me. I made it through the evening strictly on the thought that I will be in my bed soon enough.

Some might say that this was a bad decision for me to make. To me it was not an everyday dinner or get together that I would be able to skip. This was a wedding, a celebration of lives coming together and a show of support and welcome to the new couple. This was a new chapter in my little cousins life that I was able to take part in in whatever capacity I could.

As soon as it was over, I ran home and went straight to bed. I felt horrible, I still do but the thought of those memories makes me smile and that was worth the pain and discomfort I went through last night.

Congratulations FMK#4 on your wedding!